Naught to sixty. Or ten.

In a plan to tackle my 2016 goals, I'm going to take you on a journey. A 10k journey.

I am writing this as a promise to myself. And that promise means several things:

1. When I am old I would like to recall tales of battling the elements to my grandchildren, tell them how I would run through anything just to get some weekly exercise.
2. As part of my new life, fitness is key. It's a key part of my job and will become a key part of my personal development. Fitter people get ahead. And probably boyfriends too.
3. It's a physical thang. My jeans don't fit, I refuse to buy clothes a size up, and last time I checked I was considerably heavier than at my peak of fitness last year.

So, ultimately, I need to put down the beer and burgers and pick up some weights. Or, better than that, strap on some Nikes and Just Do It.

Today, I join a gym.

Today, I lose junk food.

Today, I stop making excuses and start making progress. 

(Wish me luck.)

Six goals for 2016

As an interesting experiment, I’ve set six goals for 2016 and will review them again at the end of the year. Or at the end of every month. It really depends on how much content I have.

I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions. They’re proven to fail, you can set them at any other time of the year, and I often end up picking something rubbish like “go to the gym”, where the only pounds I lose are straight out of my purse.

This year, as I’m starting with a completely clean slate – no job, no boyfriend, no house – I’ve decided to do something a little different. Instead of setting resolutions, I’m setting goals.

With six goals to accomplish in 2016, I can reasonably look to achieve one per every two months. So here they are, my demons, motivators and expectations for the year ahead:

1. Get a job
   
2. Move out of your parent’s house before it’s too late. You’ve only have two more years before it gets really sad.
   
3. Lose 12 lbs (one each month, easy does it)
   
4. Explore places, including:
1. Newquay
2. Isle of Wight
3. Ireland
4. Amsterdam
5. Manchester
6. Parma
7. … Hong Kong?
   
5. Run 10k. You’ve been saying you’re going to do it for two years. Just get on with it. JUST DO IT. And eat some vegetables while you’re at it, you’re nearly 23 for God’s sake.
   
6. Date. Properly. Perhaps once a month. Maybe. Let’s not push it. A little less 2016 a little more touch me.

So that's it. Six goals, twelve months. That's nice and realistic right?

Now for the tricky part... Completing them.

Love's not a competition(?)

So you're doing better in your love life than your ex. Want a medal?

Why is it that when relationships break down, everything between you both is suddenly a race? It's all who can get over who first, who can get a date first, who can get laid first, ultimately, who can reach their happily ever after first.

It's like a game of anything you can do I can do better. Or anyone. Or any where.

The annoying thing is that none of the, now competitive, points were ever anything to worry about when you were together. Going on a holiday without the other? Not a problem. More friends than the other? Who cares. Better job? So what.

When you're a couple none of this stuff matters because you're competing together. You're in the 'couples only' three-legged race - singles on the bench. These hurdles include: moving in together, marriage, babies. It's a long race. And not many finish it.

At least in the singles race the only way you can go is forward. The challenges are still brutal though: who looks better post-breakup? who had the best holiday? Instagrams with the most likes win.

And the worst thing that can happen in the singles olympics is watching an ex-partner defect to the three-legged competition.

All this is happily fostered in the breeding ground of hate that is social media bragging. If it wasn't for Facebook/Snapchat/Instagram, would we even know anything about the other's life? Would we care half as much? Can you honestly say you've not scrolled through a home-feed with just a little bit of terror that you might come across a humble-brag announcing something you were not emotionally prepared to see?

As a perpetual loser in this competition I have to ask, does it really feel that good to be 'winning'? Even if you are ahead in the race, or - worse - if you've upgraded to the three-legger, does it mean you're at peace with everything? Bear in mind - you are still running.

Personally, I'm all for dropping out of the race entirely. I'm not a very good runner anyway, and if I need to keep fit, I've got emotional baggage to lift.

Anyway, here are some of Hayley Williams' dulcet tones. Kaiser Chiefs, you know the struggle.