A day in the life

Since I started that full-time work thang, my weekdays are comfortingly and irritably predictable.

6:45am: What is that?!

6:45:07am: Alarm. Right. Off.

6:50am: What is that!?!

6:50:04am: Alarm, right. Off.

6:55am: God, what was Miley wearing last night? Could I pull off nipple tassels? Probably, but you really need suitable cigarette trousers too.

7:03am: Still no abs.

7:10am: Mentally trying to piece together an outfit in the shower. Trying to remember what I wore yesterday. Trying to remember if it's going to be dry enough for those cute open-toed tan sandals or not.

8:10am: Not. Wet toes on the clutch.

8:22am: "I'LL PRETEND MY SHIP'S NOT, SINKINNNN'"

8:57am: Tea or coffee. Tea or coffee? Green tea... and black coffee.

10:46am:

1:45pm: Lunchtime.

The time of day I give myself to do productive tasks for myself. Like:

• book a wax
• make a few personal phonecalls, "Mum, what's for dinner?"
• browse the same section of makeup counter but never actually purchase anything
• buy snacks I'll regret as soon as I've eaten them
• wander round River Island gazing at the beautiful materials I can't afford
• nip down to Primark and buy a slightly worse-quality, worse-aesthetically version to make myself feel better
• return to work feeling worse about my calorie count, worse about my bank account, better about my daily step count.

3:06pm: 

5:50pm: Why does the gym always smell weird when you go in, but not when you come out? 

The gym must be the only place I really zone out. Headphones on, sporty men on the televisions, less sporty men in the gym. Are they rugby players today? Or perhaps it's cricket? I don't know. All I know is that I'm convinced I've contracted asthma since starting this run. Will I ever get to 5k? Actually, it'll be a miracle if I get to 3. Perhaps you're just thirsty, have a drink.

Stitch. Stitch. Ow, oh bugger, forget it, go do weights. How far did you get anyway? 2.4k?! Just call it a warm up.

Bloody hell these things are heavy. Progressive overload my arse. I'm about to progressive overload my willpower.

Why am I sweating so much? Do other girls sweat like this? If I bring a towel I'll be that weird girl who sweats so much she has to bring a towel. If I don't bring a towel I'm that really sweaty girl. Gross if I do, gross if I don't.

7pm: Thank god, it's over.

7:36pm: I feel great, I feel so great, exercise is great, I bet I could do a triathlon you know. I am a new woman. I might even have abs tomorrow.

8:01pm: I'll just have enough pasta for a small village tonight I think. A hamlet really.

8:24pm: Spontaneous trip to the supermarket for coconut oil, prosecco and the latest analysis of "what does this text mean though?"

10:18pm: Biscuits, group chats, Friends, typing about boys and #freethenipple. 

11:23pm: Tried to go to bed early. Tried to read. But Netflix.

Sheep chic

As the nights get longer, the days get colder, and winter slowly creeps in, we need something snuggly to remind us that the holiday season is just around the corner, where fireplaces and heating are patiently waiting for us. What is it that keeps us from shivering through these cruel months? Why, something warm and wooly, of course.

This year’s Wool Week (15-21st October 2012) gave designers the chance to showcase their designs in a different context. Harvey Nichols dressed their Knightsbridge department store up as a ball of wool, complete with knitting needles and Topshop provided us with some sheep-chic numbers to warm our upper-halves with pride.

Wool doesn’t have to mean a jumper or classic winter accessories anymore (we’ve all sported the wooly hat/scarf/gloves combo). Now you can get your toasty mitts on dresses, cardigans and last year we even saw the rise of the knitted legging. Yep, you can be head to toe in sheep! Although it’s not advised.

A good rule to stick to is one chunky knit per outfit, then layer, layer, layer! Chunky knit cardigan with a light knit sweater? Hot!

Generally, the chunkier the knit, the more expensive, but luckily Primark always have a bargain (even if it’s not real wool) and if you do splash out a little more, it’ll be a staple piece able to last you year after year.

Light knits are perfect for sub-zero cool at the Christmas party. Get a studded cardigan or a print sweater and team with leather paneled leggings for super warm clubbing style. No more teeth chattering in the queue for Q. It’s finally cool to be warm.

First published by Spark* Newspaper: http://sparknewspaper.co.uk/fashion-beauty/sheep-chic/

Staple, statement or fad?

A woman’s wardrobe should ideally divide into three simple categories: the trends, the awe-inspiring and the classic. Or, in fashion terms, the fad, statement and staple. This quick guide aims to tell you where to buy and how much to spend on clothes and accessories to keep you in the stylish loop of campus fashionistas.

Fad or trend pieces are the in and outgoing pieces that survive one season at a time, often decades apart. Spend your absolute minimum on these (anything over £30 is a waste) if you can’t ignore them completely and want to stay on trend. The neon trend is possibly the best trend any of us could have followed this summer. Last seen in the 80s and even resurfacing briefly during the early Spice Girls period of the 90s, for a total low-cost raid elder relatives wardrobes, if that fails, find any small accessory you can. Go for a neon yellow or pink for maximum output for minimum input, H&M earrings, or a Primark satchel should satisfy your trend craving for a teeny price, with the bright colour blasting any outfit into 2012 with a bang. Speaking of accessories, the category where “statement” gets thrown around a lot. A study was conducted into how many times a street style blog used the phrase “statement necklace” it happened more frequently than Nick Clegg manages to disappoint.

Embellished clutches, engineering-required earrings and extravagant arm parties are a safe bet, but I’m a firm believer in shoes. Make a good shoe a statement piece and it doesn’t matter what else you’re wearing. Budget £30-£70, see Topshop and River Island for the ultimate in outrageous yet wearable style.

Finally, transcending trends, understated but timeless, see: staple wardrobe. Like a staple diet, we’re talking your basics, your can’t-live-withouts. How to tell if it’s staple or fad? It would suit anyone from Marilyn Monroe to the Cheeky Girls (believe it or not). Yes, your basic staples should consist of t-shirts, jeans, leggings etc, but cut the boring stuff, we’re only interested in one thing. No budget, it’s priceless. No specific store, once you find it, you’ve found it. Flattering on any shape or size, designed with power and sexuality in mind, the symbol of eternal glamour. The only staple piece a woman needs is her little black dress.

First published by Spark* Newspaper: http://sparknewspaper.co.uk/fashion-beauty/staple-statement-or-fad/