Soul m8s

Love at first sight? No way. Laughs at first conversation? Just maybe.

Getting older I've learned not to force things. I was a heavy handed child, pulled down a lot of curtain rails, wardrobe rails – I wasn't allowed too near glass. I like to push things to see if they fit. Which, once you're dating, can not only be physically painful, but an emotional waste of time

But it's not only dating, it's friendships too. Sometimes it can be a near enough instant click, a few conversations, a few laughs, a risky joke or two to test their limits – and if they pass? They're in. Solid friendship. Easy peasy.

Other times it takes a little longer, and although you're not a perfect fit, your experiences and mutual respect evolves into an almost family-like love. You could have dropped them if you were really strict about the instant click, but that click is so rare, you might be left with very few friends to choose from.

And then there's the life's-too-short (and so are you) category. When it comes to dating, some of us do require the promise of a little length, whether it's in the duration of the relationship, or the prospective partner's height. You need to be attracted to some aspects of a person to make a relationship work, and sometimes they just don't tick enough boxes.

But it's those instant clicks I'm interested in. I've always been someone to take a long time to bond to people. It's not that I don't trust people, I just don't like opening up to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Hard to get has always been my favourite game. After Words With Friends.

It's happened a few times where I've met people who I've thought "I think this is what they mean by soulmates". Charlotte asks in SATC that they can all be each other's soul mates, and guys are just people to have fun with. But some people are like songs that you hear once and think "oh my god" and you listen to over and over again for years – sugar we're going to be BFFS.

I can think of two people who have become soul mates. One lives further away than my mind finds tangible, and one I've spent less than 12 hours with in my whole life. And yet, I want to talk to them every day, would live with them given half the chance, and miss them with a passion I can't explain.

For me, soul mates are a different kind of friendship. It's someone whom you feel bound to, no matter their location, age, race, gender, fashion sense. They can see you at your emotional and physical worst, and it doesn't matter. Jogging bottoms and toilet roll or tears and travelling; with the right amount of nurturing or WhatsApping an instant click is a click for life.