The second time around

As the old adage goes, if you can't write your own title, borrow a lyric from Regina Spektor.

Falling in love for the second time took me completely by surprise. It was like the carpet had been pulled from under me while I watched a magician pull a rabbit from a hat. I didn't know it was coming, I didn't know it could happen, and even if someone had told me, I'd never have believed them.

I'd fallen so deeply for my first love that I'd become a believer of the old mantra: "I will never feel that way again". A total cynic, I destined myself to a life of wonderful friends, a job that paid the bills, and, if I ever found another person I wanted to spend my life with, what I would forever consider a marriage that was second best.

It's not a recommended way to think about things.

So when I felt it happening for the second time, I suffered symptoms not unfamiliar to shock.

When you experience something once, sometimes you begin to believe the only way to feel that way is to do the exact same thing. So to be in love, to feel that ecstasy, I'd have to be with that one person – right?

But then, OK, hold the phone, someone else is making me laugh like that? I miss someone else when they're not around? Someone else is hanging out with me – in tracksuit bottoms?!

The first time is always the worst, no matter what you're dealing with. Losing your virginity, getting a bikini wax, falling in and out of love. It's awkward, it's embarrassing and you're left with a soreness you just have to deal with. Luckily for us, we don't have to lose our virginity twice, we can decide to shave, and, when it comes to love, it might actually get easier.

The second time is strange because you're awash with the knowledge that there is more than one person who can satisfy, relate to, and change you on a level you never expected. And, if there's more than one, maybe there are hundreds. Perhaps it's not a puddle, but a sea after all.

So coming to terms with falling in love again is easy. It's a delightful relief. While coming to terms with the knowledge that someone else could break your heart all over again – that's the challenge.