Mobile daters

Banksy shows that going on a Tinder date isn't ever as fun as just swiping.

Digital dating: more trips and traps to fall into than ever before. And meaning that there's more to analyse. Which is difficult for a literature graduate. I analysed a glove for 10,000 words.

So when Carrie gets a message from Big on her answering machine, Miranda comes over and they analyse it together. Oh what a simple time it was. Nowadays you can forget the confusing voicemails, and trade them for contextless emojis, passive-aggressive or cryptic tweets, "last seen at" bizarre hours, and Snapchat politics - to name a few.

When it comes to dating and technology, there are all these new things we can do and worry about. It also means it can speed up the process to finding out whether they're worth precious data, or are just a wi-fi hookup.

The pre-date stalk

It does give us the option to find out a bit more about each other before the date though. Nothing comforts me more than taking the shock factor out of a blind date. However, this can backfire. My last date told me that he knew which university halls I lived I because he'd seen my old cover photos. Online stalking is accepted. Talking about online stalking is not.

Ignored: on several different platforms

Then there's the problem of actually talking online. Great for an initial ego-boost. Bad when you know they've been online and ignored you. Whether it's iMessage, WhatsApp, Facebook or something more 'specalised', the go-to way to break something off is a kind of brutality you shouldn't waste any time analysing.

Tinder terror

The ultimate taster buffet of local men. Swipe at your peril. And don't forget the danger of running into your ex on there. Big moral dilemma: swipe right and stroll back into the lions den, swipe left and pretend it never happened or (secret option number three) cry a river to throw your phone into. Thumbs up emoji.

Then come the actual horror stories. Get this, when you're ready to get engaged, and receive a phone call to tell you that your boyfriend has been "spotted" on Tinder. Active one girlfriend ago.

What's next? LinkedIn for dating? Connect with a guy your friend has friendzoned, endorse previous dates for the ability to text back within an hour, or even write a recommendation for your ex "great in bed, but far too liberal with that skill".

Maybe it would be easier to just replay a voicemail until the machine's lost its voice. But the truth is, I like being the ignorer, I'm all about swiping, and emojis are my favourite mode of communication. And it's not that social media makes your date more of a douchbag, it just means you can find out a lot sooner.

Image credit: http://bit.ly/1CFALF2

"I just believe in parties.” ― Samantha Jones

Watching a couple dance my friend looked on with total belief in true love, and jealousy in his eyes, I comfortingly expressed my heretic belief: "They'll probably break up."

It's safe to say my belief in things has hit a new low. I believed I could get a first in my English Literature degree, I believed I would be the last sibling to get married and have kids, and I believed that my TV would hold out just a few more years.

Apparently, belief doesn't mean it'll happen.

But I haven't stopped believing in some stuff. In this case, HBO. I'm currently rewatching the entire Sex and the City TV series.

Why? Because I need to press a reset button on my dating life. I pulled out of dating after I realised that I didn't believe in it any more. After a bad break up and some trial dates, I decided I was out.

I didn't like it the first time round, but now I've got "relationship experience" under my belt it's supposed to be easier? Sure, it should be. But you know, once bitten, twice as reluctant to throw yourself to the lions.

So I thought, I could take Carrie's latter option, or find a way to restore my beliefs. Perhaps I would be born again if I worked my way through every possible scenario. I thought, if Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda can all go through it first - and survive - then I should be fine. Right?

Now, after significant research, we can deduce dating status into SATC phases. And, according to Charlotte, I'm in the beginning of Season 2 phase.

"It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them" - Season 2, Episode 1.

This is nice to know, but if can blitz a series in a week, can these next three months also hurry up? After the post-Big phase, is the slutty Carrie phase (we can skip that) because then comes the Season 3 phase: the Aidan phase. Hail Mary.

So I might not believe that I'll pay off my student loan some day, or that love lasts forever, or that TVs are for life, but I do believe in Carrie Bradshaw. And that there'll be a hot furniture designer waiting for me next season...