A Roundabout Chapter Between London and Hampshire

Locations are pretty sticky topics for most people. They're often so definite. Shoutout to all of the Victorian literature nerds who get the title reference.

My mum has this video tape of me, when I was perhaps three or four years old, leaping and singing in our back garden. I was in the throngs of a Disney princess stage and Beauty and the Beast was the film that I knew I would resonate with for my entire childhood, and beyond. I'm singing the lyrics to the opening musical number:

"I want adventure in the great, wide, somewhere. I want it more than I can tell."

When you have a security in a place, like family and job, it's hard not to feel bound to your ties. Even if you begin to outgrow them.

I love Hampshire like I love my parents. I owe it everything, it is my history, my beginning, and it'll run through my veins wherever I go. But like all loves, sometimes the timing isn't right, you can outgrow them, and you can yearn for change. 

You know a relationship isn't working when you lust over something else with such a passion, you feel guilty. I'm still very much in a physical relationship with my hometown, but mentally, I'm unfaithful.

Although my body is currently lying in Hampshire, much like Jane Austen's, my heart and soul escape with every spare moment they get. Through British Vogue, Richard Curtis romcoms and friends Instagram photos, my soul gravitates towards somewhere much bigger, much louder, and far more exciting.

A city I once thought held little for me now holds everything. More friends in one place than I've ever had, the promise of opportunity and enjoyment; ultimately, a lifestyle I desire so strongly I've shed tears over it.

Meanwhile, in my more wild, fur coat buying fantasies, my imagination takes me to streets I've walked only once. The streets of Rachel Green, Carrie Bradshaw, Taza. A few years ago I was convinced I'd go. I'd make it happen somehow. I grew out of it. But it's back. Unrealistic and all encompassing. I feel about New York how I feel about my future husband. It's not a reality right now, but it will be. And I love that thought already.